Here I am…

Don’t really know where to start all this off. I’m a procrastinator by nature, obviously, but this I’ve been putting off intentionally for two weeks hoping to become inspired, sit down and share a stirring testimony of how I’ve jumped full force into my next steps and am dominating a new/temporary career.

Well… I haven’t, I’m not, and I’m not exactly sure what the future looks like. The first week of July, Brandi and I sat down and had a major heart-to-heart confessional/directional style conversation. It’s a “what do we see ourselves doing next” type thing. In the middle of June, I would probably have told you that I was undoubtedly headed to Colorado to work with the youth and the fine people at Greeley Wesleyan Church. Obviously, that didn’t happen, thanks to the discernment from Pastor Steve and us being reminded that we aren’t always the ones in control, I stepped away a little confused but still positive.

Through this whole process, we were preparing for our good friend Pastor Ryan to move on from Warrenton and head to Sandy Lake Wesleyan Church in Wisconsin. After our trip to Greeley, it was as if my drive to seek out other opportunities wavered and weakened almost immediately. Not totally understanding why, I committed my thoughts to prayer, and was startled by the peace I had in 1 particular thought… It was time for a break. Not just a vacation, or an extended weekend somewhere far away, but a complete step aside from full-time ministry for a season.

This feeling was confirmed when I shared my thoughts with Brandi that night in early July. The best way I could describe her reaction is one of relief and speechlessness. She said that I essentially presented to her something that she had wanted to bring up to me but maybe just didn’t have the words to do. I should take and make a little side note here to say that this is easily one of the top 2 or 3 difficult decisions I’ve ever had to make. It was not entered into lightly, nor was it something I wanted to do, it was just evident that it is the right thing to do.

1 month later, it felt like everything was falling in order. I presented my resignation and final date of resignation to the board. I began lining things up as well as I knew how for the youth to be entirely volunteer run. I make it sound like I was a big element in that transition, when in all actuality, the amazing volunteers we have took initiative and ran with it. I re-drafted my resume to explain why the only full-time work I’ve done over the past 7 years was ministry related, youth to be exact, and started searching for temporary work. I was on the verge of an unpaid sabbatical of sorts.

Most who I’ve discussed my decision with have been understanding and supportive, while just a few here and there have voiced their disapproval outwardly. The church sent us off with a lovely dinner and I was on the verge of a giant question mark. I have appreciated all feedback, both good, bad, and frustrating. One question I’ve had to explain frequently is if I’m questioning my call to full time ministry. The answer to that is a definitive “NO”, but could better be defined by me having a desire to DEFINE my call to ministry in greater detail. Without taking anything away from my awesome teens in Warrenton, the volunteers there, and the church, and even my time working with Pastor Ryan, I think I’ve continued on in the path of youth leadership because it’s familiar, easy, and a source of comfort. I feel strongly that I need to branch out from this specific arena, but have little to no idea as to where and what that definition will look like.

Which brings us to now. I’ve spent the past two weeks continuing my trek to find work, and spending a ridiculous amount of time with my girls, Brandi and Ruthi, which is what a big part of this decision was about. In looking back over the past 7 years or so, I haven’t taken more than just a few days for nothing but REST even once during that time. It’s embarrassing, and even a little telling when I look at how ready I was for a break. I had allowed myself to become overstretched, overwhelmed, and just flat burnt out.

We’ve been claiming the message of MATTHEW 11:28 very heavily during this time of uncertainty:

²⁸“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

In evaluating where I’ve been in the last several years, and what I’ve learned in the last few months, there are many lessons to be taken that I hope to share with my readers in the coming months. This post has already become too long so I’ll save those lessons for next time. Along the way I’ll be posting funny blurbs, videos, and news clips like I always do. I’ve also got a couple of side projects in areas I’m passionate about that I’ll start linking to as well.

So this is where I am. Restarting in a way. Looking for work. Enjoying extended time with my families, and enjoying just being. We’ve began attending church with my parents at Morning Star Church in O’Fallon, MO and have enjoyed fading into the background a bit and just worshipping.

If you’re wondering how you can be praying for me and my family, I’d ask it in a couple of specific areas. First, if you could pray for continued wisdom in our next steps and evaluation in ministry. Second, if you could help by praying for employment and continued discipline with management of our cash flow, that would be stellar, and third, if you would continue to pray for Warrenton Wesleyan Church and the super volunteers who are investing in the youth there, and their search for a youth pastor, that would be equally as awesome.

Thanks for caring, pushing me, and wanting to know what’s going on.

Comments are appreciated.